PAWSTEPS TO HOME
Episode Ten, Season Six, of Rise.
Enjoy <3
This episode is dedicated to Rainy for being Rise's #1 fan! It's time to make one last journey home :)
Pawsteps to Home[]
The others take it really well. Nightshadow and Feathershine decide to stay in DawnClan to help the moving and to make sure that Feathershine rests enough for her kits. I’ll miss them, but it isn’t as if we won’t be back and living right outside their territory.
Applewhisker wants to focus on DawnClan as well, as she is a newly named warrior and she wants to spend more time with her sister. Sunpaw still misses Firepaw greatly and I don’t blame her.
My sisters will also be staying with the Clan and I’m glad Nightshadow, Feathershine, and Applewhisker can watch over them while I’m gone. Plus, I want my sisters to be more independent, as they are going to be Clan cats one day.
Karina is hesitant. “Do you want to go?” Terran asks her, gently enough that I almost wince. He makes it sound like we’re talking to a fragile kitten.
The dark gray she-cat stares listlessly at the floor. She’s been drifting farther and farther away from us since the war ended.
“I don’t know.” She murmurs.
“It’ll be like one last adventure,” Terran presses, “I mean, what else do we have to do?”
Karina shrugs.
“What do you want to do then?”
“I don’t know.”
Terran glances at me helplessly. I shift on my paws before I say to Karina. “I want to learn about Aleric’s past.”
Karina, to my surprise, doesn’t flinch. She doesn’t even blink as she says. “I know you want to. You want to learn about all of their pasts, don’t you? Calypso, Presidia, Aleric, your parents…” Her voice is monotonous and her voice doesn’t break at Aleric’s name.
I stare at her in concern. Karina’s face is carefully devoid of emotion, similar to how Aleric had been when we first met him. She’s locking away everything to protect herself. I wonder if she’s ever going to come out.
I dip my head a little as I reply, “Yes, of course I want to learn about all of their pasts. They were my friends and family. I feel it is a good way to end a chapter of our lives and close it off forever.”
“Not forever,” Karina murmurs, “they live in our hearts.”
There is still no flicker of emotion on her face but Terran steps a little close to his sister. “Will you come?” He presses.
Karina blinks this time before shrugging. Before she can open her mouth to make her decision, I jump in and say. “I want you to come with us.”
The dark gray she-cat turns her golden eyes on me. Before, there would have been a spark of something—anger, surprise, or something else—but they stay blank. “You want me to come?” She repeats.
“Yes.” I’m painfully aware that the others are just ogling their eyes at Karina in blatant pity and concern. It makes me uncomfortable to think about how they had once done it to Aleric when we gave him his second chance. “So will you come?”
Karina shrugs again but this time she says. “Fine.”
I resist the urge to sigh in relief but Terran sags a little. Karina just sits there, casting her eyes back downwards.
The silence stretches and stretches until Nightshadow coughs and says. “I need to go train my apprentice.” He darts outside without another word.
“You don’t have an apprentice!” Applebreeze hollers after him.
An unintelligible reply sounds from outside the den and I suppress a smile as Applebreeze dissolves into giggles. Feathershine rolls her eyes affectionately at her mate’s stumble. But as I shoot an amused glance at Terran, my smile fades a bit as I notice his stony look.
His eyes, normally the lightest blue, have darkened considerably and I notice that he’s staring at Karina’s preternatural stillness. She doesn’t react to the fact that Nightshadow had run out of the den from the awkwardness that had spread among us, and I brush against Terran lightly.
When he looks at me, I ask silently, are you all right?
Terran’s eyes soften and I feel his warmth envelop me as his tail curls around me and tugs me into the soft down of his fur. Fine, he tells me back with his eyes, just…worried about Karina.
Feathershine takes this moment to stand and stretch, drawing only my attention and Terran’s. Karina continues to stare at the floor, unseeing and unfeeling. “Emerald and I should train a bit too.”
“Are you sure you’ll be fine training?” I glance at her forming belly.
Feathershine waves me off. “Nightshadow promised to help me and since he’s off training his ‘apprentice,’ I thought I’d join him with my own. He can train Emerald for me but I want to be there with her until I absolutely have to stay in the nursery.”
I smile gently at her. “Thanks for taking care of her.”
Feathershine purrs. “You take care of her more than anyone else, Bryce. Don’t forget that she’s your sister, not your daughter, and she can protect herself as well. Live a little. Enjoy your life and raise a family of your own.” She gives Terran a meaningful glance.
I flush, my cheeks and ears turning scarlet as Terran look away as well. We’ve already considered ourselves as mates, but we’ve only talked about it once whether or not we wanted to have kits. It just seems so surreal, raising a family when I’ve felt like I’ve raised my own with my sisters and just the friends around me.
But before, I hadn’t wanted them because we were still fighting a war and I didn’t know who would come out of it alive. There were always odds in everything, and I knew that the chances of all of us living had been slim.
My eyes cut to Karina briefly, and my heart aches for the dark gray she-cat. All around her, her friends are finding their mates and having kits of their own. But nobody here in the Clans will ever remember the dark brown tom who had saved all of us and had given so much up for love.
The war was over now, but I wanted to keep moving. Perhaps when we came back from the Twolegplace I would have kits with Terran and we would finally settle to become parents. I still feel too young for that.
“I’m going to go hunting,” I say, standing and brushing off Terran’s touch. “And then I need to talk to my sisters before we leave.”
“When do you want to leave?” Terran asks. It’ll just be the three of us on this trip.
“Tomorrow,” I decide.
I pad outside and immediately head into the forest. I wander the plains of what has become familiar territory to me, but I don’t actually hunt. The simplicity of the act just seems too strange after moons of warfare.
It’s greenleaf now, two seasons from when I first started my journey from the Twolegplace. Back then, it had been leaf-bare, cold and unforgiving, though I hadn’t really noticed the difference back in the Twolegplace.
There had been no snow in any of the places I had lived in leaf-bare—I only knew of the phenomenon through my mother’s stories when I was a kit. Leaf-bare had just been a damp and cold season, a fitting mood for my transition from a miserable life at the Twolegplace to a hectic but fitting life here in the Coalition.
Most of the war had taken up new-leaf and I hadn’t really had the chance to enjoy the spring flowers and the delicate delights of the season. The sweet scents of the roses cover me now and I stop to sniff at the marigold and the daisies that litter my path.
It was like a new beginning, I decide, and now green-leaf just means the peace and stability that we fought so hard to earn.
The crunch of leaves behind me interrupt my thoughts. I turn instinctively, though I resist the urge to unsheathe my claws. It’s just the light brown tabby she-cat—Analese.
“Bryce,” she inclines her head at me, “I didn’t expect to find you out here.”
“I’m hunting,” I reply, even if I had only been wandering. I had stayed on the Twolegplace side, determined not to get too close to perhaps my next home and the graves that hold cats so dear to my heart.
Analese doesn’t mention the lack of prey around me. “I hear you and the other rogues are heading to the Twolegplace soon.”
We’re not rogues. I want to snap, but I hold my tongue. Isn’t that what we are now? We’re not Clan cats after all, and we never will be.
“Yes,” I decide to just tell her the truth, “we’re leaving tomorrow. It’s just a short visit—I wanted to learn about my friends’ and family’s pasts.”
“Like Aleric.”
I study her eyes. They are a brilliant amber color and twinkle with merriment and intelligence. She looks a bit older than me, though perhaps around Terran’s age. She’s Aleric’s age. I realize, though the dark brown tom would never age another day.
But there is no pity in her eyes, and no sorrow either. She knew of the dark brown tom, but I don’t know their relationship or why she chose to help him in the end. I suppose I should have made an effort to talk to her, and to the other two Twolegplace cats who had already left: Lucien and Gemma.
“I can help guide you,” Analese continues, “I know the Twolegplace area well.”
“I know it as well.” I say, a bit too defensively, “It used to be my home.”
“I know,” Analese nods sagely, “but I did a lot of research on Aleric after…after I met him.” There’s more to the story than she is letting on. “I can lead you for the first part of the journey. I can teach you about Aleric’s past—what I know of that is—and how he links to me and Elena.”
Elena. She’s a she-cat I’ve heard mentioned several times already, and I knew that there had been someone in Aleric’s life that had caused him to change so much. I wonder if Karina already knew who this she-cat was. Here was my chance to learn.
“All right,” I relent, “I suppose it would be helpful to have a guide. I don’t really know where to start.”
“Start with your heart.” Analese smiles at me as she turns and walks away again. “The heart knows all.”
~
When night falls, I return to the den to find it empty save for my sisters. They look up groggily when I enter and I feel a twinge of guilt for putting this off for so long. I want to let them sleep, but I need to talk to them.
“Come here, Jewel, Emerald.” I beckon to them.
Jewel is the first out of the nest and totters toward me. Her midnight blue eyes glitter in the darkness of the den but she is more curious than worried as she settles in front of me once more.
Emerald takes a bit more time to stretch and hop out of their nest and I realize how big Emerald has become. Now that we have more access to prey, she’s been gaining weight and with all the training she’s been receiving, she’s packing muscles as well. No longer is Emerald the runt of the family, but rather she’s sizing up to be about Jewel’s size now.
My two sisters have changed so much and I wonder if I’ll really recognize them when they become warriors. Perhaps I should just join DawnClan and stay with them and watch them grow up.
But I’m not their mother and I feel better if I stay away from Clan loyalties and whatever else is tied to a Clan. I’m not a Clan cat, I remind myself.
“So Applewhisker has probably told you this already, but Terran, Karina, and I are leaving for the Twolegplace tomorrow.”
Jewel tips her head curiously at me but it’s Emerald whose fur spikes up in shock. “You’re leaving us to go back to the Twolegplace? I thought this was your home!”
“I’m not going there to live,” I say hastily, “I’m living outside of Clan territory with Terran and Karina. We’ll be close to DawnClan camp, so don’t worry. I want to visit some old memories and close the door on that place forever. It’s just a brief journey; I’ll be back soon.”
“You don’t want us to go with you?” Jewel asks quietly.
I lean down and touch my nose to hers briefly. “You guys have a life to live here in the Clan. I know you both will be such great members. I want you two to keep training! Jewel, I hear Flameshadow wants you to become the next DawnClan medicine cat soon. And Emerald, Feathershine tells me you’re really shaping up to be a great warrior. I can’t ask you guys to leave that now.”
“We’d go anywhere with you, Bryce,” Emerald tells me. She sounds so mature and it’s hard for me to remember that they’re eight moons old now. They’re not the five moons old kits that I had to protect. They’re really growing up. “But we understand.”
Jewel nods. “We’ll stay and train and be the best Clan cats we can be.”
I smile, albeit a bit sadly. “And if you guys ever want to take up Clan names, I’ll be supportive of that choice too.”
“Our names are our last connection to our past and you,” Jewel shakes her head firmly. “I like my name.”
“We’re connected because we’re family,” I remind her. “I promise to visit when I get back and whenever I can after that. I won’t be stepping out of your lives at all, but I want the two of you to live a life here.”
“We want that too.” Emerald ducks her head.
I purr and pull them close. I have to blink back my tears because suddenly it feels like I’m saying goodbye to them forever. This is the last time I’ll really settle down with them in a den because when I get back from the Twolegplace, I’m moving out to the clearing next to the graves. I don’t want to burden the Clans more than I already have now that I’ve decided I don’t want to continue my role as a warrior of the Coalition.
But I also know my sisters will always be in my life. We are family after all. “I love you both very much,” I murmur, “I don’t want you to ever forget that.”
“Don’t be silly,” Jewel replies, “we’d never forget all you’ve done for us. And we love you too.”
I laugh as a few of my tears slide out but I just curl up with both of them pressed against me for one last night.
Tomorrow, I take my first few pawsteps to home.
The End.